but i'm in a bit of pissy mood. i've been screwing up a lot lately. good god it's bad... well.. not that bad.. but it's aggravating:

well, look at that, at least they're three things.. i like that number... i don't think i've done anything else to piss myself off.. oh, that sleeping habit of mine... but these are one time things i'm talking about.. so i won't count that.
 

oh well.. at least everything is easily fixable... this sleeping thing however.. not so much..lost time and bad for my health.. ughhers.

one good thing about having a blog is that you can look back on your previous entries.. on your thoughts at the time before something major happened... it's weird the sort of things you think about before a certain event happens.. like a foreboding or someting

like i was looking at entries a few days before his birthday.. and i was talking about relationships and having a boyfriend... and he wasn't even in my life yet haha... i remember he told me that he wished that i was around during his birthday... and i wished/ still wish that too... it would've been nice.. things would be a lot different from now... maybe id be happier.. or even sadder... but who knows?

either way... i feel like i'd still have him as a friend longer... damn i wanna dial that boy up.

and oh man, i must be really over them... cuz i was rereading those entries and i couldn't figure out who i was talking about... even caitlin said i talked in code hahah.. which i was ... i didnt want to be too precise about in case they discover {now i don't really give a shit, even my curent hangover can read it now, wahev} ... and now i'm like WTF, who is this fucker?!?! ... i'm glad i use the tagging system more now haha. otherwise i'd have no clue... i think i do now.. there were only two distinct people a year ago... it's either him or other him.. but the timelines don't really match up... like how could i talk to him if i wasn't in school yet? or i think i was... ehh whatever... don't matter. they're long gone and im just glad i have only one person to fret about.

though to be honest. he's a lot more work than those two combined... how inconvenient.

even worse, we haven't interacted for over a month... yeah.. da freak!??! is right.

well, what can you do, he was my first.
 

 

i wonder... if i didn't label my entries with his name.. would i still recognize how i felt for him a year from now? i mean i didn't recall right away with the entries from last year... so i don't know... it's strange though... i can really call it the past if i can manage not to remember him like that...

though i think that would be really sad... i don't want him to forget me like that... though he probably has... at least feelings wise... or maybe not... maybe i'm just picturing him to be that cold cuz it's more convenient and that's what he wanted me to believe {like he said, he acted like an asshole so i can stop... though he could be covering up his tracks but whatever, can't get into that shit again}
 

dear phone please ring,

eileen